So tonight was interesting and a lot of fun. Even though the morning started off total shit. 2 nights ago I fell on ice and fucked up my hips really bad. And I had horrible reactions to the pain killers they gave me, so I had to go BACK to the er TWICE......... I was supposed to go with Pat to this family thing, but I was too sick to even sit up in my bed.....

Britt called me and asked me to go out with her and Tara for her bday. So I went and it was alright.. Pretty boring to be honest... Heh... Well after that Britt was supposed to go with me to Hammerheads for Erica's bday party, but she changed her mind. So I ended up having her drop me off there. I got to hang with Holly, Emily, Max, Cresten, Kenny, Micheal and the bday girl. It was a lot of fun, I love going to H-Heads.. Always a good time, indeed.

Right now I am sitting at Emily's while everyone is asleep, but me.... Lol.. I'm not really tired. I feel like I have too many things to do, yet I really have nothing. Weird, huh? So, Pat and I are basically at each others throats again, it sucks because I hate being that way with eachother. I feel like a bitch when I say this, but I think that it is because he does drugs, and I don't. I love him to pieces, but it's like he always has to lie to me, about even the littlest of things. What makes a person lie? I have asked myself that many times. Is it because we are afaird to hurt someone? Or maybe it is because we want to hurt someone? Are we conditioned in a way that makes socitey feel it has to be fake to carry on important and meaningful endeavors, so we have to lie to be successful? I have no idea and know that I cannot answer these questions.

Lately I have been really tired, sleepy tired. I can't seem to get a good sleep time in. I am always waking up at night, and I don't know why. I am also having more visions than I used to. And I don't mean schizo-inspired visions, I mean like clairvoyance. It is really starting to scare me and I wish that I could understand it better. I know that it is a gift, but sometimes I wish I didn't have it. I have had many dreams lately about the world ending, and destruction of all man kind. It makes me wake up sad and depressed. Not for mankind, persay, but for the fact that we have brought ourselves this far and hit rock bottom. It makes me wonder if we, indeed, were meant to fail in the end. I am not afraid of the end, I welcome it, as depressing as that may sound. It is not depressing to me in any way. I think that it would be a new start for mother earth.

Today is the 1st day

So I was told to get a blog spot and here I am! Lol. Yeah, so this is my new blog spot, pretty cool, indeed. Not much has happened today. I have a lot of questions I really want to ask Pat, but I don't know how to go about it. I am scared that he is going to think that I am just invading his privacy. I am really not, I just wanted to know some truths. I want to know who Annie is and when he did what was said on his phone. It makes me nervous to think about it and makes my heart race. I don't know why I let myself get so worked up over this crap. I really shouldn't but I guess I love him. I tried to let myself be alright whenever we were broken up, but it never worked out that way. I was always thinking about him and thinking about all the mistakes I had made. Even though I really should have been focused on myself and my life, about how to make my life better. I am doing that now though, but I still feel weak. Maybe my grandmother was right, maybe I DO need a man in my life. That's what frustrates me so badly about this world. So many people still view women under men. Like they can't support themselves without a men, all that ridiculous shit. I just don't get it.

I have thought about proving to her that I don't as well as the rest of the world. But deep down, I just don't give a shit what people think. Everyone is entitled to their opinions, but when they try to bash their ideas on others, that is when they are crossing the line.

Well this post just ended up being babbles.. I guess I don't have much to say today.